The messy imperfectness of making space for yourself in Motherhood

I’m writing this blog post freshly returned from a fabulous not quite 48hrs away from my fam. 😆

Late Friday afternoon I headed off south for a couple of nights near Edinburgh with my parents to use a cookery school voucher that we bought each other as a present I don’t know how long ago. 👩‍🍳 

It was fab. We stayed in a gorgeous AirBnB that was even better more bright and airy than the pics suggested. ☀️ 

We spent most of Saturday cooking and eating Japanese food that was just the right level of novel! 🍱 

I took a leisurely stroll in the surrounding countryside basked in beautiful dusky light. 🌅 

I snapped a few pics for social media that made it all appear pretty idyllic. 😎

And in many ways it was.

But behind the scenes, in my mind, it didn’t feel like total liberation. 😬

My younger son had cried and clung to me when I was attempting to leave, prompting feelings of guilt that I firmly know that I don’t need to feel. I still woke up at 5am both mornings despite not needing to, feeling momentary frustration at my forced body clock. And when I called for a brief check in I discovered that my other son had got sick and was crying in the background for mummy. 😭

I have complete confidence in my husband’s ability to parent solo and don’t feel bad in any way for leaving him to it. I also know how essential it is for me to get my own headspace and time to pursue my own interests. And yet this weekend it all felt a bit messily imperfect. 🙄

It reminds me how it’s often not straight forward to take the time we need for ourselves, even when logically we know we need it. 😫

If any of this resonates, tune into this episode of the PODCAST where I’m talking to Galina Singer all about Making space for ourselves inside motherhood. It’s a super powerful, insightful, stimulating chat that I hope you enjoy listening too as much as I enjoyed participating in! 💛