Building a business and marriage - and why the two are surprisingly similar

Starting a business is much like building a long term relationship. I say this both as a business owner, and soon to be celebrating my 11th wedding anniversary.

There are stages and phases, each with it’s own highs and lows. Each requiring different levels of input and energy, with different outcomes on the other side.

It’s becoming increasingly important to me to honour each of the stages and embrace them for what they are in all of their glory and all of their ickiness. Rather than wishing them away in favour of dreams of ‘one day’.

On top of this, when I think of human relationships as an analogy for building a business, it makes way more sense to me that things take time. Think of some of the most solid relationships that you have and I’ll bet that you’ve gone through quite a bit together — either in terms of time or pivotal life moments.

By sharing the five stages of business as I see it, I wonder if it helps give a label to where you’re at in your own business journey just now and some acknowledgement of all there is to embrace about the stage you’re in?

1, First impressions: I’ve found that most businesses start with ‘a moment’. All of my clients are able to tell me a story about why they started their business and what it means to them. And within this story there is often a single lightbulb style moment when it hits you that this could actually be a business idea. And that’s where it stays for now. This seed of an idea that exists inside of you, before you’ve taken any action. This stage is full of daydreams and infinite possibility — there’s not yet any restrictions or practicalities to think of and so nothing has to be off the table just yet!

2, Sussing things out: This is the dating phase of starting a business. You start taking some tentative steps in putting things out there into the world. This can be simply telling someone else about your wild and crazy idea. Or bagging that Instagram handle, or googling whether the domain name you want is free. It’s where the dreams of what you really want vs the practicalities of getting there can easily collide in an overwhelming tangle of thoughts and emotions and too many ideas. But on the other hand, it’s exciting and you haven’t yet made the commitment to move beyond.

3, Taking the first steps together: This is when your business actually becomes a business — on the outside at least! I know so many of us who struggle to call our business a business at this stage, because at this point you are likely not making much, if any income. But to the outside world, you have something to offer and a way for people to buy that. You are experimenting and iterating, often anticipating things will work and then they don’t and vice versa. It can be exciting and fun, with some depth in there too. I also think that this can be one of the hardest stages. We feel a pressure to have it ‘all sorted’ when on a day to day basis it feels far from that. Add in there the fear of judgement and the societal pressure to be busy and you get yourself a bit of a whirlwind.

4, The Honeymoon: This is when you’ve made those first sales. You know you’re onto something and you get to relish in this moment. There’s something that feels a bit ‘other worldly’ about this phase. All that you have hoped and dreamed is finally coming true. But you’re not sure that it will stay that way, and you put a lot of pressure on yourself to try to make sure it does.

5, Going steady: This is when you break out of that feast or famine cycle of income and have what you need on a month by month basis to cover your basic needs. You get to switch things up and try new things every so often, but all the while knowing that you’ve got the basics covered. Sometimes you miss the wild and care free days of old!!

I’d love to know your thoughts. Do you recognise yourself in one of these stages? Comment below to share with us.