Is mum guilt even real?
During my first pregnancy I signed up to do a Business Growth course that was running during my maternity leave. I wanted to spend some time on my side hustle, an artisan granola company, and I knew that I would miss the personal development that came with my corporate career.
The course ran in person one day a month starting when my son was three months old.
In the weeks leading up to the course start we practiced giving my son a bottle of expressed milk. I was really looking forward to the course as I’d had my eye on it for a while and I was craving some time with other adults having conversation that didn’t compel me to discuss my sons sleep or poo habits.
My husband had taken a day off work and kept telling me how much he was looking forward to his day at home.
The night before I suddenly felt really nervous. When I got up I wrote a list of my son's usual sleeping and eating patterns which my husband knew fine well. On the drive to the course I started feeling paranoid about what people might think about me leaving my tiny three month old to do a business course that I had actively sought out. It wasn’t even for my ‘proper’ job.
I sat and listened while the instructors introduced the material and we played a few ice breakers. But I found it hard to concentrate. I sent my husband a text underneath the table and kept checking for his reply.
At lunchtime I called and my son was in hysterics. My husband assured me that everything was fine, he just needed a nap and they would look forward to seeing me later.
I went back into the room but my stomach was in knots. All I could think about was how my son must have figured out what I’d done. Why did I ever think this was a good idea?!
AND SO I MADE MY EXCUSES AND LEFT.
As I drove home I could feel the sweat under my arms and my flushed cheeks.
I walked into the house to find a sleeping baby. He had indeed needed a nap, just as my husband had said.
IT WAS THEN THAT I REALISED THAT MUM GUILT IS REAL.
So what do we do about it?
Remind yourself constantly that you will only be the best mum you can when you feel fulfilled and refreshed
When you are feeling guilty think about what advice you would give a friend in that situation
Commit to things in advance, with a friend, or in a class
Think about what the benefits to your child are, for example maybe your work will inspire them one day
Let me know, when do you find yourself in mum guilt crisis mode?